Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Usually there's a bit of a previously on part here,
not in this episode because there were some audio issues
with the last episode.
If you haven't listened to episode seven,
it's just a rundown of what you missed
in that last episode.
There's some good points in there.
So if you wanna go back and have a quick listen,
if you have, we are a Dumbgeons and Dragons
fifth edition actual play podcast.
So there's four of us,
myself, your dungeon master, Russ More,
my wife, Amy More, who plays Thea Amastasia.
Tom Laird is Flint Firebeard
and Carla Johnson plays Nularaaaa Moonbrook.
And we together create this story and this world
that we are going through right now
and bringing you along with us.
So again, if you haven't listened to episode seven,
maybe do that before you carry on.
Otherwise we are in the midst of an ogre battle.
So here's the theme music.
So you are on your way to Little Rock
when you ran into a group of dwarves
who had under their control,
a prisoner of the cultist group.
Yes, you remember this?
Yeah, good.
And then you discussed with them
and you got some information from her.
Yes, you remember that?
Yes, yes.
Not a lot of information if I remember correctly though.
And then I think we sold her back to the ogres, didn't we?
Oh yeah, we just rented her time.
Or the dwarves, sorry.
Yeah, yeah, you rented her time.
You do remember which information she gave you though, yes?
I'm looking at you, but I'm asking to the group.
Of course.
Nerenvir the Green has stolen his mask
and gone into hiding in the misty forest.
Yes.
And we're thinking that we can get him on our side
to help fight against the cult of the dragons.
Exactly.
That was our goal, right?
We're like, hey, this guy obviously is defecting.
Whatever you guys wanna do, but yeah.
Yeah, I'm just trying to remember
if that was the strategy we had.
Did we not talk about that
and now that's just my strategy?
Your strategy is to get everybody onto your side
so you can become the queen of the dragons?
And I never said that.
I like this twist.
Now we wanna run the dragon cult.
Ah, yes, this can't go wrong at all.
But first we should kill these ogres
and then go save Little Rock.
Let's kick some ass.
Yeah, so we left off
and some of the dwarves were struck quickly
by a boulder and you guys all dodged out of the way
and you were being rushed by four ogres.
Bring it, bitches.
We're rolling for initiative.
Sure.
Oh God.
Ha ha ha.
17.
Whoa, how many dice was that?
I was dumping my dice bag out.
I see.
Don't worry, you're fine.
It just sounds like the kind of roll
that usually happens when I take damage.
I got a 13.
15.
Okay, so Flint is up first.
Oh, excellent.
So at this point they are,
yeah, they're about 20 to 30 paces out from you.
So they're all within range to start moving
and bashing some skulls.
Well, that sounds like a good plan.
Moving, shaking, lemonade making.
Well, there's the name of the episode.
And we can cut it there, guys.
All right.
Good work, good work.
I like it when we get these things
out of the way early.
It takes some pressure off.
Now we know the theme.
Now I don't have to say anything funny
for the rest of the time.
I'm done.
Mission accomplished.
All right, I'm going to rush over to this half ogre
that I've affectionately dubbed number one.
Good, good.
His name is Harold.
Oh, okay, perfect.
He has a name.
And I will attack him with my sweet, sweet greataxe.
So that is a 22, but not critical, obviously.
That will hit him, yes.
Excellent.
Six, and seven is 13, and four is 17 damage.
And with attack number two,
I will continue attacking him.
Didn't see that one coming, did you?
That was a twist.
21 this time, but again, not critical.
21 still hits, yep.
Thank God for the plus bonuses.
Yeah, you guys have awesome bonuses.
Mine are all real shit.
Whoa, 12 damage on the first D12,
and then 10 on the second.
So 22 and four is 26 damage.
Ah, yeah.
Well, that's demoralizing for Harold.
Harold feels real bad about himself now.
Harold is bloodied,
and he's not feeling too great about himself,
but it's Thea's turn,
so she can just try and stroke his ego a little bit.
Okay, sure.
I'm going to kind of rush into the middle of the action,
and I'm going to do some magic.
I'm going to magic it up,
and I'm going to produce flame.
Oh, shit.
I'm not, I'm not, no, I'm not.
You did it.
It's five. No, I didn't.
Whatever you roll on the screen now is cannon.
It shouldn't be.
I don't even think those are the dice
I'm supposed to roll.
Well.
Damage says it's two D eight.
So that's what it rolled.
Well, yeah, but I do better.
Okay.
I do better than the machine.
Obviously.
Five on the first, three on the sexy eight.
Which guy are you going for?
Oh, sorry.
This dude right here.
Junkman named Stinky.
Stinky, yeah.
The one that's right in front of me.
Okay.
Eight damage to Stinky.
Which is not as impressive as the 40 some odd damage
that Flint dealt,
but I still feel Thea feels pretty good about herself.
You do you, Thea.
I will.
It is Baran's turn, is carrying a heavy crossbow,
and he shoots at the one,
the ogre between the two
that you are currently engaged with.
And he rolls a critical, critical 20.
Yeah.
A natural 20.
Whoa.
Baran already way more useful than Larry.
Yeah.
Well, Larry never, Larry admitted that he was-
He was a lover, not a fighter.
He was, he admitted that he was, he had his flaws.
Do you have something you need to tell us
about something that happened on the boat, Thea?
No.
I don't know what you mean.
Mm-hmm.
He's a lover, hey?
Mm-hmm.
And with that, he gets 18 damage with his crossbow.
Nice.
To the ogre will dub Stumpy.
So we've got Harold, Stinky, and Stumpy.
Harold, Stinky, and Stumpy.
Seems like Harold drew the long straw so far.
Well, he is, he's clearly the leader of the group.
Being Eddie is the best name.
And it's new Larry's turn.
All right.
Well, I rolled an amazing four with a plus nine,
so that's 13.
Anything?
13 hits, yeah.
Oh.
Whoa.
These guys are naked, aren't they?
Like anything will pretty much hit them.
Oh, so they have natural armor,
but they don't have any mail or anything on, nope.
Well, then I feel like it's been so long
since I got to use my sword.
Oh, Mui Caliente, to be assumed, my sword's on fire.
Uh, so that is a four plus one plus six,
so 11 damage.
Who are you going for?
Oh, I should tell you who I'm attacking.
Might be helpful.
Whoever has not been attacked yet.
How about that?
Old Blue there.
Old Blue.
You're my boy, Blue.
I got there before you did.
How dare you.
I'm sorry.
So attack number two, oh God, it's on the floor.
Oh, what is happening over there?
And you're like glass breaking.
So that was also a four,
but that worked last time because it's a 13.
So unless he got tougher, which he didn't.
Did not.
Seven, two, plus six, so 15 damage on that one.
Now I just need to just make my way over to my die
so I can see what Donnie gets up to.
Awkwardly walking.
There we go.
Oh, Donnie rolled a 14, so that's a 17.
Yeah, Donnie.
Yeah, all right.
Five damage.
And then the ogre needs to do
a constitution saving throw.
Sure.
Make sure I write down all your damage here
because I get yelled at if I don't.
Constitution saving throw for an ogre.
That is an 18.
Yeah, he's probably fine.
Donnie is pretty small.
He did his best, guys.
Five damage is pretty good for him.
That's solid.
It is the ogre's turn.
Harold leads off,
and he's gonna attack Flint with his great club.
Aw, it's a great club.
It is a great club.
I love it, the music's so good there.
He rolls a 17 against your AC there, Flint.
I don't believe that hits.
It does not.
Okay, good.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We're now going under the rule
that if it's a tie, it does hit, correct?
It goes to the attacker, yeah.
Yes, then it does hit me.
Ooh.
Hey, way to follow the rules.
Well, I have 18 against slashing,
but since he's got a club, that is bludgeoning damage.
That is certainly bludgeoning damage.
And that is nine damage to you, sir.
Yeah, all right.
Stumpy, he is angry with Bowren,
but Thea is in his way,
so he's gonna charge forward
and swing his great club at Thea.
And she's gonna duck?
Well, that's a 22 against your AC.
Oh, she doesn't duck.
Unless you've got something that says you can.
Nope. Nope, okay, good.
I take it.
Eight damage to you.
Stinky comes over and is going to attack Bowren.
He moves over here.
Bowren gets hit.
12 damage to Bowren.
Jeez.
And old blue there, he's going for Nulara.
That's a 21, not critical.
Against your AC.
Well, that'll do it.
That is seven damage to you.
Boo.
And we'll go back to Flint.
The dwarves that you were dealing with,
they have turned tail and fled
after they got hit by the boulder.
So you are now under the possession of the cultist.
So we have to fight and babysit at the same time.
She left leg steel, yes.
Oh, damn it.
She tied up?
I can't remember.
Well, she was in shackles, yes.
Shackles, okay, good.
So she is kind of off to the side,
but she is still with your group.
Back to Flint.
All right.
So I wonder if it's when it's Nulara's turn,
if she should maybe send Donnie over there
to keep watch on our prisoner.
This is a good idea.
You can tell Donnie to do stuff too.
Well, yeah, but I mean, he's gotta go through me
and then it gets to you and Donnie.
Do what you gotta do there, bud.
I just don't wanna overstep.
It's not my pseudo dragon.
All right, I will continue attacking Harold,
who is bloodied, if I remember correctly.
Yeah, he's bloodied.
You took a chunk out of him.
Then here comes another one, a 23 on the attack roll.
That'll be good.
11 and 10 is 21 and four is 25.
25 damage?
Man, good damage rolls here so far.
Woo-hoo.
Yep.
Woo.
Okay.
Is he still breathing?
He's still breathing, yeah.
It's pretty labored breathing,
but he's still breathing.
All right, I ignore that.
Just trying to look at my shit.
What's happening?
Sorry, you guys, nothing is happening.
All right.
Amy's practicing her rolls.
Oh, okay, perfect.
So that's a 12 and seven, so 19 on that attack roll.
Mm-hmm, still good.
Okay, 12.
Holy crap, 12.
Woo, jeezus.
So that's 28 more damage.
Yeah, that 28 damage is enough to...
Explode him?
Murder him and his whole family.
Kill him, and in fact,
yeah, you've removed an appendage.
You can tell me where you hit him,
and that appendage is now no longer there.
Shoulder slash arm.
Good, good.
Figured you'd want that mounted
above your mantle at home.
Oh yes, definitely.
And now it is Thea's turn.
All right, the last one didn't go very well,
so Thea is going to call upon the spell of Moonbeam.
So Radiant Light comes down about a five foot radius
around Stinky, and he receives...
Stinky or Stumpy?
Stumpy's the one who's actually engaged
in combat with you. Oh, that Stumpy?
All right, Stinky ran past me.
Yes, no, Stumpy, because he had it coming.
And he's going to get 2d10 damage.
Nine.
And that is all?
Oh yeah, that's all, yeah.
Do I need to do more than call down the power of the moon?
No, you're good.
You just- Is that not enough for you girls?
Keep it on.
I know we're in the middle of a fight here, guys.
I just can't help but think,
I'm going to pull out an accent for Thea
when she finally talks.
I'm going to do it.
You talk all the time.
I talk all the time.
Well, you talk as your character all the time,
but you haven't actually given her a character voice.
That's what I'm thinking.
I think I might just jump into it.
Episode eight.
Thea gets comfortable enough with her battling buddies
to reveal what her true voice sounds like.
I like it.
I'm looking forward to it.
I like it too.
Okay, I'm not sure what it's going to be like though,
so might morph.
It's going to be a surprise for everyone.
Yes, especially me.
Baran is in attack mode with Stinky there.
And that is a 16 versus Stinky's AC,
which he uses his mace on.
And gives him eight damage.
And now it's Nularaaais' turn.
Sweet.
12, so 21.
Yep.
And that will be eight.
This is going much better.
13, 17 damage on that one.
Oh, also I say, Donnie,
make sure you look at that prisoner.
She's all shackled up though, right?
Yeah, she's shackled up, but I'll go over there.
Yeah, Donnie's got his watchful eyes on her.
Second roll, critical, fail.
Oh.
Critical fail.
I like the delay.
How far away is the prisoner?
Can Donnie come and try and give this guy a little chomp
while still keeping his eyes on her?
Well, yeah, she's kind of,
she's a little ways away,
but I guess it depends when you want it
to send him over there.
He could do his attack first and then go.
Well, what if, yeah,
what if he chomped her and then took off?
Okay, quick chomp.
He got a 20, not critical.
And that is six damage.
And then that saving throw for the ogre.
You with your saving throw.
That is a 14.
Yeah, that'll do it.
Okay, good.
Now, some ogre's turn.
Stumpy swings the ol' great club at the there.
Ooh, that's not really good.
Oh.
10 against your AC, that's fine.
Yeah, we're good.
Oh, I thought you meant it wasn't good for me.
No, you're fine.
I'm losing track of names.
The other guy was fighting Bahren.
Stinky.
Stinky, stinky.
He swings at Bahren and hits him quite handily
with his great club.
For 13 damage.
So Bahren is down to 31 hit points
for those keeping track at home.
And ol' blue swings at Nulara and misses probably
because that's only a 10.
Perfect.
And back to Flint.
I guess I will attack the guy
that is currently trying to wail on Thea.
Appreciate it.
22, but not critical, of course.
Yep, that hits.
Six and two, but I get to re-roll that damage roll
because it's one or two I hit to re-roll.
And a four, so that's much better.
10 and four is 14.
And I guess I will attack him again
if he's still standing.
If he's still standing, he's bloodied now though.
Excellent.
That is a 24.
Should have no issues there.
Six, nope, sorry, nine.
He was upside down.
And eight, 17, and four is 21.
21 takes Stumpy out of the running.
He is dead.
Oh yeah, Flint.
And Thea, your turn.
I'm going to turn around.
I'm going to come over to Stinky
and I'm going to poison spray him.
So he gets two D12 poison damage,
but he needs to make a constitution saving throw.
I can't remember why.
Probably to take half damage.
Well, it's that or it's something
about the lasting effects of the poison.
Okay, I'll roll my constitution.
You can look it up.
Okay.
That is a 13.
And fail.
Fantastic.
Well, then you really have to look it up.
I do, I will to see what happens.
You extend your hand toward the creature
you can see within range
and project a puff of noxious gas from your palm.
The creature must succeed on a constitution saving throw
or take two D12.
Okay, so I guess it's you take it or you don't?
Probably.
Okay, well, I'm glad you take it.
Two.
Good.
One.
Yes.
You take all that three damage.
Three poison damage.
Okay.
He just kind of shakes it off and clears his nose,
but he's doing okay.
I flip him the middle finger.
It seems appropriate.
Bawren's turn.
He misses with his mace.
So he's a little concerned
about the poison in the air, obviously.
Nularaaaa.
Don't put that on me.
Nularaaaa, your turn.
He doesn't know yet.
He doesn't trust you.
He doesn't know what excellent magic skills you have.
Natural 20.
Whoop, whoop, whoop.
I don't even know what that means.
You get double damage.
Oh, good, because I just rolled a one.
Six plus two, so eight, so 16 damage then.
You roll your damage.
No, no, you get to roll twice.
So double the amount of, not just double,
but you roll the dice twice.
Okay, so eight on the first one and then 16.
So that's better.
So 24 total.
Much better.
I thought that worked out way better.
There you go.
Second attack is a two.
So it'll be an 11.
11, yeah, 11 works out for you.
Geez, I love how weak these gigantic,
strong creatures are.
Big, stupid, weak creatures.
Yeah.
That is 12 damage.
And 12 is enough to finish him off.
So Old Blue falls and it is Stinky's turn.
And he kind of looks around
and sees that all his ogre pals have fallen.
And he actually charges for Sheila Flagsteel,
who is the cultist you are in possession of.
He runs, barrels through Baran, knocking him down,
runs toward her, picks her up,
and breaks her neck.
Does Donnie do nothing?
Well, it's not Donnie's turn.
I guess Donnie does get a turn.
He's like, it's like right there.
Donnie can take a turn while he's doing it,
while this is happening.
He didn't before, so it's legit.
So that's an 18, so 21, but he rolls,
but that's four damage.
Unless on how you do that Constitution saving throw,
and he paralyzes this ogre,
because that would be dope.
It's a 15.
I believe you.
No, that will not do it.
It is not dope.
So Donnie does take a bite or a sting at him
trying to stop him and paralyze him,
but it doesn't work,
and he still manages to get to Sheila,
and he breaks her neck,
and she doesn't seem to put up a fight at this.
You think?
Yeah.
Okay.
And then he turns and starts to run back towards
you guys, so he's kind of over here at this point.
But he's making his way back towards you guys
in a furious rage, and it's Flint's turn.
Well then, I will attack him,
because I think I'm close enough
if I am understanding the grid system here correctly.
So that's 17.
17's good, yep.
11, and seven's 18, and four is 22.
22 damage, okay.
So he is bloodied now.
Excellent, and that's a 23,
so again should have no problem there.
Four, and 12 is 16, and four is 20.
He's still alive,
but he's clearly not doing well.
So it is Thea's turn.
All right, I'm going to get my oath bow,
and I say, the words that I say, the...
Mm-hmm.
I think it's like, swift death to my enemy
or something like that.
To those who have wronged me.
Swift. There we go.
Yes, swift death to you who have wronged me.
So I have, so it's 3d6 piercing damage,
and I have plus two advantage to roll.
But I'm also going to cast Searing Smite.
That's going to add 1d6 fire damage to my melee weapon.
Except this isn't a melee weapon.
So I'm lighting the arrow on fire,
and I am shooting it at the ogre.
All right. Okay, sure.
Yeah, I can do that.
I'm looking at Russ, he's thinking about it.
Yeah.
12. Yeah.
Oh, thank God.
And I'm sorry, you missed entirely.
Wouldn't be the first time.
Okay, so I'm going to do,
it's 3d6 piercing and 1d6 fire.
Five, six, seven.
That's five, so that's 12 piercing damage
and three fire damage, 15 damage.
Yeah, he goes down with a screaming bellow,
and he is dead.
You have pierced through something very important.
Although not super important,
like important enough that it would kill him,
but not a lot because I mean, you just hit him.
But yeah, like you nicked an artery,
an unknown ogre artery, and he is-
It's in the inner thigh area, if you guys want to know.
Yeah, it's a very tender area for ogres.
Yeah.
And he goes down, and your ogres have been defeated.
I want to cheer, but that chick is dead.
Yeah.
And I don't know, that's probably an important thing.
But was she even going to say anything
if she just willingly got her next act?
Yeah, she wasn't giving us a lot of info
when we talked to her before.
Saves you having to tie her up
and throw her in a river, yeah.
It was a lot of work, nobody appreciates.
So what do you guys want to do?
We're going to keep going a little rock and save,
what's his name?
Bahrain?
Barney Rubble?
Keep going, I want to see where this goes.
Banana Republic, it starts with a B-A.
You had it right with Bahrain.
B-A Barracus.
You're good, you got it right.
And then you just kept going.
Wait, did you say B-A Barracus?
Yeah.
Nice.
He wants to join our team.
But he's already on the A-team.
You are still about a half day's ride out,
because you've got your carriage and horses, of course.
And Bahrain and Sasha mentioned to you
that Sheila FLextiel, the cultist who is now deceased,
kind of looked familiar.
They weren't sure when they originally
came into contact with her,
but she kind of looked familiar from their town.
And you guys carry on.
Unless you want to discuss anything further,
you make it to Little Rock without anything really,
anything else important happening,
and you make it to Little Rock,
and it looks around kind of evening time,
and it looks very quiet from a distance.
There doesn't appear to be any cultists
in the streets that you can tell.
Doesn't appear to be anybody moving
throughout the city.
All the buildings appear to be quite boarded up
and quite dark as the sun is setting over the city.
Well, I guess we should ask Bahrain and Sasha
if they know of any strongholds or buildings
that maybe the cult had taken over when they came in.
He says, yeah, no, we didn't have any.
We had a vault in our town bank,
but I mean, there's no real armory point.
We had a simple sheriff's office,
but I mean, nothing, no castles or turrets
or anything like that.
We're just a small, small trade town.
Do they want to go see their families
or they've just come home, right?
So do they, we should maybe hole up for the night
or, because it's nighttime, what do you think?
Or do we want to sneak around
in the dark of night like cat burglars?
I vote to be a cat burglar.
I mean, I love a good sneak.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sneaky it is.
Yeah, confirms that it would probably be a good idea
if we snuck around and saw what we could see
before anybody potentially woke up.
So you guys, you leave the horses, take the horses?
We would probably be less noisy if we left the horses.
These horses are no cat burglars.
I mean, they're pretty-
These horses are no cats.
We'll see how your stealth checks go,
but I mean, they could be pretty sly horses.
Yeah, we should probably stash the carriage
and horses somewhere that I assume Bahrain
would have like, you know, some kind of.
There's a bit of a forested area
where you guys currently are that you could leave them.
That's a bit off the way and they wouldn't be seen
directly from the road from anybody passing by.
So you could do that, yep.
That's a good idea.
You do that and then you make your way
into town and it's eerily quiet.
The sun has just about set
as you kind of make your way in there.
All the windows have been boarded up with wood
and planks and plywood and that sort of thing.
Other types of wood. And other types of wood.
Various types of arbor are holding things.
Shut up.
More?
Tell me more.
I would like to also know more.
What kinds of wood?
There's some soft woods, some hard woods.
Some cherry in there.
Some cherry, some cedar.
Yep, shut up.
Now if they remove some of that wood,
will they find old shiplat underneath?
Perhaps.
You could refinish that, it'd be real nice.
Very clearly, everything has been covered up.
With wood.
I'm gonna cut out the amount of times I say wood
and then you're just gonna see my jerk.
Leave it all in.
Don't do that.
Let the listeners figure out a jerk for themselves.
And it looks, and through the streets,
it looks like the city has been looted and torn up,
but it seems odd to you
that it would have been abandoned
as well as all the buildings being barricaded up.
Well, the people must be there, right?
Otherwise we would have seen them on the road to Luskin.
You would think they would have been,
you know, if they were like refugees,
they would have been going somewhere.
So they're either all dead
or hopefully not that one.
They're just hiding out.
Let's let them hide.
It's better we see no one as we sneak around
than have to have an encounter before we need to.
Sure.
Baron says we could go to our house
or what was our house
and just see if there's anybody there.
Now, was your guys' house in the middle of the street?
Was it Maxwell House?
Was it where friends like to meet their house?
It's a very, very, very fine house.
That was Tom's fault.
Anyway, let's go to...
Sure, let's go to their house.
Cause at least they'll know like how to sneak in
or they can, if their family is there,
they can be like, be cool.
So they don't start screaming or something.
You know, it seems like a reasonable starting place.
For sure.
You make your way through the town
and they live on the north end of the city
and you get to the house
and it is like all the shutters and doors are closed
and everything is drawn,
but it doesn't appear that this house
and the house in the surrounding area
have been equally as fortified.
Do you guys want to make a perception check?
Seven, eight, nine, 10.
12 for me.
14.
You go up to the windows and doors and you listen
and you kind of look through where you can.
Mine's an 11.
Even still.
It's pretty clear to you
that there's nobody at this house
and even the kind of the neighboring houses,
it's pretty clear that this area at least
has been left vacant
and Bahrain actually goes up to the rear door
and goes in slowly and this house appears to be empty.
Well, shit.
He says, but that could be good.
We could see who comes out first in the morning
if there are cultists in the city
or if perhaps somebody else is left in the town.
Thea, can you do like an arcana check
or like some kind of detect magic or something
because it seems like spookily empty.
So what's going on?
Can we check that?
I can't.
I don't have those skills.
I cannot.
Somebody's more than welcome to give it a,
give it a whirl.
15.
There doesn't appear to be anything magically done
to any of the houses in the vicinity
that you can detect.
Okay.
Nothing magical going on in your immediate area.
How are we, Thea?
Well, we're already in our cat burglar suits.
You guys want to steal some shit or?
Just kidding, Bahrain.
Just kidding.
I'm always down for looting.
Just kidding.
Wasn't all the action happening in the mines?
Isn't that where everyone was?
The dwarves, yeah.
Yeah, that seems reasonable.
If there's nobody here,
maybe that's where they're hiding
or I don't know, let's go check that out.
It's the only other like location that we know about.
Sasha says that she's going to stay behind in the house
but Bahrain says that he will lead you to the mines.
So you guys go back through the city.
The mines are a bit to the south of the city.
As you were going through the city,
you want to make another perception check?
Ooh, 17.
I also got a 17.
I got a 21.
You are going-
I'm very perceptive.
You're going back through the city,
kind of cutting through some back streets
and you notice kind of a flicker of movement
in one of the buildings that you're passing
through the center of town.
Let's go check it out, guys.
That's not my accent.
Let's check it out.
How do you want to go about checking it out?
Let me try the front door.
We will sneakily walk towards where we saw something.
Well, I saw it through a window.
Yeah, through kind of a break in some of the slats.
In that shiplap.
That sweet, sweet arbor.
What kind of wood is this one made out of?
Mahogany.
Oh, nice.
It's quite fancy.
The smell of leather bound books.
No, no.
That's the house next door.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, they can't have all the things
in one house, obviously.
Should I perhaps change my shape
and like, I don't know,
become like a little bug or lizard
that can slide through the slat in the wood
and just see what I see from the inside.
See if it's worth us like busting down the door.
Cause if everything's boarded up,
I assume the doors are all locked.
Well, we certainly can't sneak in
through all the boarded up everything.
So yeah, why don't you do that?
Maybe your accent will come to you.
You'll start speaking parcel tongue or something.
Ooh.
I don't know if that's an accent so much
it's like a whole other language.
Oh, I thought you were gonna make up a whole language
for your character.
Is that not what's gonna happen?
That's what I was expecting too.
You guys wouldn't understand it.
It'd be very confusing.
That's true.
Good point.
So I am going to change into some mouse.
Crawl up the side.
Put my little mousey head through.
Hello again.
It's me, your Dungeon Master Russ More.
This is episode eight of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
This one titled Movin', Shakin', Lemonade Makin'.
This episode, I mostly wanna send out my sincere thanks
to everyone downloading the show
and following us on Twitter.
We've seen some fantastic growth
over the last couple of weeks
and I'm sure I can speak for Amy, Carla, and Tom
when I say that we are humbled and amazed
that people are actually interested
in hearing the story we're making.
I don't have much feedback this week
so I'll leave it to simmer
and carry over to the next episode.
Tell your friends that they can find us at dumbdragons.com.
All of our social media and email links are listed there.
But that's all I have for you right now.
Episode nine will be coming out March 29th.
Sheesh.
Been a busy month for episodes.
I guess I gotta get back to editing here.
You have an amazing couple of weeks.
I can't wait to talk to you again.
Back to the episode.
Let's find out where those people at.
["Dumb Dragons"]
One thing we've never talked about, I don't think,
as far as when you change shape.
When you change shape, do your clothes change with you
or do your clothes shed from you?
It depends.
I usually choose to have my clothes change with me
and I believe that that is an option.
It's one that you kind of pick.
So you either do or you don't.
Well, I wanna see.
Like, cause I don't have heavy armor or anything.
So I think when I change into wild shape,
I can stay in a beast shape for a number of hours
if I want to.
Okay, when you are transformed,
the following rules apply.
My game stats are replaced by the stats of the beast,
but I keep all my personality, alignment,
intelligence, charisma, wisdom, blah, blah, blah, blah.
When I transform, I assume they're hit dice.
I can't cast spells and I do not have the ability
to speak.
You choose whether your equipment falls to the ground
and your space merges in your new form
or is worn by it.
So worn equipment functions as normal,
but the DM decides whether it is practical
for the new form to wear a piece of equipment
based on the creature's shape size.
So like, I probably wouldn't be carrying around
my oath bow as a mouse.
Probably not.
So likely you keep all your clothes and stuff,
but maybe your weapon.
Your equipment doesn't change size or shape
to match the new form.
And any equipment that the new form can't wear
must either fall to the ground or merge with it.
Equipment that merges with the form
has no effect until,
so that's essentially like absorbing all of my stuff.
I can't use it.
But if I were like to change into a monkey
who had opposable or like had like fingers and stuff,
I could throw a spear, say.
So when I change,
let's just assume anytime I change into something
that's really small,
I'm just merging all of my stuff
so that it just kind of stays with me
and nothing can be used until,
like what's a mouse gonna do with, you know.
Yeah, that's fair.
With a crossbow.
Well, I was just looking for, you know,
sweet no clothes gags when you change out
in the middle of a crowded room.
Of course.
Yeah.
Just wanted to make sure.
Wanted to make sure.
V has got some class.
Okay.
Just checking.
So you change down into a mouse.
I say a quippy line like see on the other side.
Is that your?
Maybe, I don't know.
I'm gonna try it out.
That's good.
If that or it's Southern,
I really have a very limited vocal.
It's fine.
That's good.
I like it.
I don't know if the elf should be Southern.
I feel like this frisky kind of voice,
like that kind of fits with your...
My overt sexuality toward any new male member
we ever see.
Male member.
Yep.
You're very comfortable with your sexuality.
So maybe you're a little bit saucy.
All right.
You say your quippy line
and you change down into a mouse
and then you climb up in through the break in the woods.
Just enough to poke my little mouse head.
Like I'm shaking my little mouse tail
on the other side.
Just kind of.
So you look in and as your eyes are adjusting,
you see...
The mouse.
As your eyes are adjusting to your new form,
you see huddled in the center of the room
that you go into,
a large group of what look like commoners
from the village.
They're all huddled close together
and they appear to be just trying to remain very quiet
and very still.
There's women, there's children, there's men.
All huddled in this room that you can see.
What else do I see in the room?
Do I have to make a perception?
No, it is very scantily furnished.
It looks like the room has been picked over.
So there aren't many,
there aren't anything hanging on the walls.
It doesn't look like there's very much of value
in the room itself.
You don't see any captors or anything like that.
So they are alone in this room,
just trying to remain very, very quiet.
Okay.
I scamper back out,
resume my normal form.
And tell anybody anything.
Okay.
I guess.
Character knowledge, player knowledge.
Right.
Guys, there's like a whole bunch of people in there,
scared looking.
We should help them.
Baran takes charge and he goes up and-
Yeah, he should.
He knows all these people.
Well, yeah, but he doesn't know what's going on
since he's left.
He's been gone for quite a while.
He goes up and hammers on the door quite loudly.
Seems like a mistake.
I put my hand on his arm,
like I feel his muscle a little bit.
And I say,
Shh, you're scared.
Right, right, right.
Hello?
It's me.
Baran?
I'm Ron Burgundy.
He's a little unsure of his own name there.
He's, who's in there?
I brought some people to help.
And you hear some stirring from inside
and some of the stuff barricading the door
being pulled away a little bit.
And two males and an older lady open the door,
quickly usher you in, a baran first,
and then allow the three of you in as well.
So you get into the room
and baran and the older lady are having a bit of a discussion
as to where he's been and how long he's been gone.
And you hear them talking about where the cultists are.
And the older lady says,
They were here for quite a while, dearie.
They took a lot of our refinery and treasures,
but they brought with them something evil.
I don't think they knew they had it among them
when they came, but I do believe they've left it here.
I don't know what it is.
People started to go missing.
First, some of their own, and then our people too.
Women, children, and men all going missing,
disappearing.
So after the cult group left,
we decided to barricade ourselves up.
And since we did that,
the disappearances have been less, but still occur.
At night, we still hear a weird howling
and something prowling through the streets.
It makes us fear leaving this house.
Well, that sucks.
That's all I got, I'm not entirely sure.
Baran turns to you and he says,
I know that you come to fight the cultists,
but I mean, it appears the battle
with the cultists has moved on.
Are you willing to help us figure out
what's going on here?
I'm on board.
Absolutely. Yeah, totally.
Let's kill this evil thing.
He asks the old lady,
when was the last time that they heard anything
from this creature or what exactly happened?
The last time that somebody went missing.
And she says that it was last night,
we heard it walking through the streets.
We didn't see its shape.
It is a hooded figure.
The last time somebody went missing,
two nights now, two or three nights now,
somebody went missing and it took a whole family,
whatever it was, but left one girl.
And she ushers over to the girl that was left behind,
but she claims she saw nothing of the sort.
Did your family just disappear then?
You didn't see a creature,
but where did your family go?
I say to the small girl with the high pitched voice,
um, well, golly gee willikers.
No, that's not it.
Isn't it?
No.
Golly gee willikers.
Is this Dick Grayson from Batman?
Sounded more like the old lady,
I would have guessed.
Okay then.
She says, um, I heard my family fight back
and then it was, then it was quiet.
I don't know if whatever it was knew
that I was there or not.
I just, I stayed quiet in my room and waited
till morning when people came looking for us.
I really didn't see it sounded fast
because my father did not put up as much
of a fight as I thought he would have.
It sounds like it surprised him almost.
And this was from your house?
I'm wondering, are people getting taken
from their houses, from the street?
This was in my house, yeah.
The older lady says that at first
people started disappearing in the streets.
The cultists disappeared from the streets
and then it started to move into people's residences.
Did you hear it make any sounds?
Like does it sound like an animal?
I didn't hear any animals.
It sounded like it was walking on two feet.
Like it was even sounded like it was very heavy footed
but no noticeable larger footprints
have been left anywhere.
I don't know if it was, I don't know what it could be.
It just sounded like it was perhaps a human
but much, much larger.
Should we go outside and wait for it?
I don't know what else we would do.
I have the urge to wait in a street.
I'm thinking we should just set up like a bonfire.
Yeah, in like a town square and like draw this thing out.
Yeah, we wanna pick a good location
where we can keep an eye on things
or maybe classic police show style
where a couple of us can be up high
with our bows ready, watching people down low.
Like we're gonna trap it.
Sure.
Baran says, well, the town square
would probably be the best spot for that.
It's the most open.
I'm sure there seems to be enough wood here
that you could light something on fire.
So much wood.
Yeah, but what kind of wood?
Thea doesn't care.
Would you want something that burns quickly
or would you want something that has like a longer burn
too and I'm sure we can figure something out anyway.
And there are points on the roof.
You could set up an archer,
plenty of places to hide in shops and stores.
So if it sounds really heavy footed
and it is all in black
and it has a hood, I'm thinking like Wraith
or wouldn't that be more like silent?
I think that would be silent.
Yeah.
It's probably some scary creature
we've never seen before.
I don't know.
I said Wraith and Russ went like,
his face went weird.
I didn't go weird.
I've made no weird.
That's just because he's really scared of Wraiths.
It was just, yeah.
He made a silent but deadly joke.
He was very proud of himself.
It's just a big fart and a cloak.
Yeah, I say we do this guys.
Let's do it.
Let's kill a mystery monster.
Thea, do you want to be up on a, nope.
Nulara, do you want to be up?
Nope.
See, this is how detached I am.
Do you want to be up on a roof with your bow
ready to strike?
I think she's better served down with me.
Her sword does a lot of damage.
Okay, I will go up
because I can hit with magic probably from a rooftop.
Yeah, and you, although I'm not sure,
but I think you have less hit points
and you're not as good at like weaponing,
but you're sweet with the magic.
I don't know.
My magic didn't do very well last time.
Actually, I have all my hit points back
because if it took us a half a day to get back,
I meditate for four hours instead of sleeping
to regain all my strength.
So I don't know about anybody else, but.
So yeah, half a day.
Yeah, you've probably all had equivalent of a-
Of a rest.
Of a long rest, yeah.
So, but hit points are not.
I've got my oath bow,
which I can like light on fire and shit.
So I will-
And Baran's got that crossbow.
So do we want to like,
if you're in the middle of the,
I'll be on one side of the square up top
and Baran will be on the other side up top, maybe.
So that we've got two different shooting angles.
I think maybe if you guys stay on the same side,
somewhat close to one another,
cause if somehow you guys get ambushed,
it'd be nice to have some support.
Fair enough.
Yes, agreed.
Plus if it is actually the square,
like there is, you know,
roads going kind of perpendicular through it,
we can't watch all of those escape routes
with just two people.
We don't have.
So you guys stay together to try to not get snatched.
We'll go down below to try to not get snatched
and we'll draw out this mystery disappearing monster.
Let's do it.
Did we all jump together and high five
like I imagined in my head?
Freeze frame, yeah, totally.
That's what I imagined as well.
So yes.
You go and you set up a large burn pile.
Yes.
And you torch that obviously with a flaming arrow.
No, no, no, produce flame.
I'm not going to waste an arrow.
I shoot a flame out of my hand at the thing
and it just lights on fire.
Makes sense.
And so there's huge burning plot in the center of town
and you guys set up in your spots there.
So you wait there and about a half an hour passes
and still nothing seems to have come.
And Baran kind of pokes his head up and over
just to kind of take another look around
as you've been doing.
And settles back down and you feel kind of a,
it's kind of a chilly night to begin with,
but you feel kind of like a drop in the pressure.
Everybody does.
And then you hear a woman scream
from the north end of town, like a shrill loud scream.
Okay, to the north end of town
and I jump off the roof and I throw guacamole
out and I land on guacamole as she emerges as a giant owl.
And I say, I'm mad ass and that's when my daughter
comes into the room.
Okay.
Yeah, so that happens.
And it's amazing.
Every time.
And I gestured to Baran to jump on.
And he's like, I don't know about
to jumping off of buildings.
I'll run down, I'll catch up.
Okay, we swooped down.
So you're all on the owl
or you're just running on the street now?
Well, no, we're gonna ride the owl to the north end
and get there as fast as we can.
This poor woman.
People are just disappearing.
You can't lollygag.
So you run and you hear the screaming a few times
and it sounds like it's coming
from the direction of Baran's house.
Oh no, we never should have left her alone.
Never split up the group.
And you come down to the house.
You make it there pretty quickly
because you're flying over the city.
It's not a big city.
And you run up to the front door and you go in
and Sasha is there screaming in the front room
covered in blood.
And it looks like the window has been blown out
and the back door has been smashed down.
There doesn't appear to be anything in the room
except you see a green haze or mist.
And she's screaming over and over.
It's gone.
I don't know what it was,
but I think I heard it and it's big.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.